Ephraim's Birth Story

Ephraim Charles Affleck

February 5, 2017

8 lbs 1 oz

20 inches

Brief recap of the last  2.5 years since Henry's birth. I've gotten birth fever. Bad. Not that I was super eager to have another baby right away, but my first (accidentally unassisted) home birth impacted me a lot, and I realized that my life needed rearranging. One night as I was putting little Henry to sleep, I had the most distinct impression that I should become a doula. So distinct that I said it out loud, and thoroughly shocked myself. 

And then the rug was pulled out from under us and we moved across the country from North Carolina back to Utah (land of snow and unbreathable air and a culture I've never been able to fit myself into) and I did the whole thing kicking and screaming. I started looking for a reason to like this place and came across a local doula training that looked promising. I chatted with one of the refreshingly genuine trainers (hi Saph!) and signed up. At the doula training I found a room full of fantastically non-Utah-standard ladies who didn't look at me like I had three heads if I said I encapsulated my placenta. Thank you, God for finding me some people!

What I didn't know was that I was a teeny tiny bit pregnant the weekend of the training. Actually, I guessed because I couldn't stay out of the bathroom. The other thing I didn't know was that 3 other doulas in this fantastic little group were also a teeny tiny bit pregnant. One thing led to another, we all chose the same over-worked and so, so awesome midwife (hi Dee!), and had 4 perfect home births within a few weeks of each other. I couldn't be more grateful for such a for such great support. 

All of our boys had been born a few days before their due date, which was great. This time, everything kind of fell apart the week before baby was due. The boys got sick. James got sick and missed 3 days of work. Henry flushed a washcloth and magnet down one toilet, and a toy leopard down the other one. Our car broke down, and then broke down again (in a big way). The list goes on. I absolutely willed this baby to stay in, at least until we had a toilet and the family was healthy. He did! My due date came and went uneventfully. James and the boys got better. James took apart the toilet and got that leopard out with the help of a blowtorch. All was well, except the car which was undergoing major surgery at the mechanic's, so we just prayed not to have to transfer to a hospital and made due.

Saturday night, at 40 weeks 3 days, I went grocery shopping. James joked before I left that this ought to put me into labor by the next morning. 3 stores later, I was super uncomfortable. I actually pulled into the gas station, sat there a minute, and decided 1/4 tank was more than enough, and drove away. The last thing we talked about before going to sleep was how on earth we were going to get the 5 of us to church in the morning in James's tiny little commuter car. 

I woke up at 6:30 in the morning knowing that I wouldn't be going to church that day. Thanks baby, for solving the transportation problem. I was having mild contractions that felt real but not painful. We called my parents to come take the boys, and texted Dee and Sariah, our midwife and doula, to give them the heads up. My mom ran around packing everything that the kids could possibly need for a couple of hours. I mean, everything. Mattresses, comforters, high chairs, cups and bowls. She's so funny when she's excited and nervous. They left, and I tried to sleep. James watched me and tried to time contractions, but it was so annoying that I made him stop. Poor guy gets yelled at with every baby for trying to do his job.

James was nervous that this would be a repeat of Henry's birth, where the midwife arrives after the baby, so he made sure our birth team got here early. They arrived sometime in the early afternoon. I was feeling like I had to use the bathroom during every contraction, and I did actually go every time. It was weird, but pretty comfortable. 

Sariah and Dee were diligent about counterpressure and massage, when I didn't have myself shut in the bathroom. It helped a lot, but for some reason I had to be moving quite a bit or things slowed down. I took a shower and did laps around the family room, squatting or leaning on things during contractions. 

At a certain point I went into our bedroom and knew I wouldn't be coming out without a baby. Contractions got more intense, but not necessarily painful. (I attribute the difference to the herbs I took this time around.) I vocalized through them because it helped me focus and relax, but I never had that transition feeling of wanting to be out of my skin and feeling like I couldn't do it. My waters didn't burst, but trickled a little. I spent some time in the tiny bathroom squatting and holding onto the sink during contractions and standing and swaying between them. I started to feel a little pushy and decided to move into the bedroom where there was more space for James to catch the baby. I knelt on the floor, leaning my upper body on an inflatable birth stool. Sariah stayed at my head, keeping me supplied with drinks and a cold rag and reminding me to relax my face. I'm not too sure who did what behind me, but James and Dee were on the counterpressure game, and it was amazing. Mollee (Dee's assistant) took some incredible pictures of him being born (and wedged her knee against mine so I wouldn't fall over during each contraction). Best birth team ever!

I never had the uncontrollable urge to push, probably because my waters were still largely intact. I pushed anyway and it felt good, but controlled. I could feel baby's head getting low and thought he was crowning, but it was actually just the bulging bag of waters coming out. It would fill up between contractions and trickle out, then refill. I guess the sack did eventually break, but I didn't feel it. I had Dee check to make sure there wasn't a cervical lip. There wasn't, but baby's head was stuck behind my pubic bone. She had me assume the "Captain Moroni stance" with one foot flat to change the dynamic of my pelvis. It worked, and I felt downward motion within a couple of contractions. I was feeling pressure on my sacrum, so I put that knee back down and leaned forward. Baby's head came down slowly and I was grateful for a less freight-train-like pushing experience so I could take it slowly and stretch. There was a cord that needed to be pushed aside, and then the shoulders were born easily. James caught him, and dropped him, but whatever because he was about an inch from the floor. 

Baby had a little trouble getting started, but after a little rub and a few breaths with the bag he breathed and cried and pinked right up. I was kind of relieved to find that he was a boy! I can do boys, and I don't have to shop for clothes!

The placenta came almost immediately. It was right there when I turned over. I pushed it right out comfortably since nothing had time to shrink back down. James delivered it. (He also cleaned, dried and encapsulated it before 24 hours had passed. If that's not love, what is?) 

The ladies helped me shower while James did skin to skin with our son and got him adequately covered in chest hair. Dee checked me out. No tears! And I got to go to bed with my sweet baby. There's nothing better! 

Henry's Birth Story

I was just sitting down to write Ephraim's birth story and realized that this blog hasn't been updated in 4.5 years. We've been a little busy. So first I want to write about Henry's birth before he turns 3.

We were living in North Carolina when I got pregnant with Henry. I love almost everything about that place; everything but the laws about home birth midwifery and raw milk. We really wanted to avoid a hospital birth, partly because of the price tag that comes without insurance, and partly because it's just not my cup of tea. There is a birth center in Chapel Hill, but that was out of our budget as well, seemed very medical, and then there's the whole 45 minute drive in labor thing. My visiting teachers were over when I was about 12 weeks along, and I told them we were expecting and looking for a midwife. Turns out Robin, one of those sweet ladies was also expecting, with a due date 2 weeks after mine. She had been searching for home birth midwives too and helped me have some options! Hallelujah!

Robin and I both settled on the same midwife. She is a very experienced lady who is unfortunately not able to be licensed in NC because she is not a CNM. We felt good about hiring her anyway and received excellent care. Robin and I were able to piggy back appointments at the midwife's house and switch off childcare during our prenatal visits.

The pregnancy was uneventful. My parents moved from Utah to live with us just a few weeks before my September 1 due date. The Saturday before baby was due, I wanted to take the boys to the zoo as sort of a last hurrah with just the two of them. I got up early and went to the two farmers' markets (I had quite the trade agreement with several farmers where they would give us loads of beautiful fresh produce in exchange for homemade bread, yogurt and fermented veggies). My mom and James were at home with the boys, getting everything ready for the trip to the zoo, two hours away. As I was leaving the first market, I felt what I guess was the first "real" contraction. It was so mild that I really wondered if it was in my head. I went ahead to the second market and noticed a few more of the same sensations, especially as I lugged my giant cooler full of jars. I realized that this might be my last solo trip for quite awhile, so I lingered a bit and walked around the market and forest before heading home.

At home, I told my mom that I wasn't sure, but there was a small chance I could be in labor. I still wanted to go to the zoo. All that walking would move things along if it was the real deal, right? She talked me out of it, reminding me that 2 hours in the car in active labor wouldn't be all that fun. I thought the boys would be heartbroken, but they were just excited.

Contractions were picking up a bit and I was sure that this was actually early labor. James and I went back to bed for a nap, and labor slowed waaaaaay down. I slept for about 2 hours. When I woke up, contractions were 20 minutes apart. I started to feel bad for calling off the zoo trip since this didn't seem to be going anywhere.

We decided to run some errands. There was a baby carrier on craigslist that I wanted to get, and we stopped at the grocery store to get a treat for the boys. In the car, my contractions picked right back up again, and I was SO glad to be a mile from home, not 2 hours away! Joey asked incessant questions during every contraction, and I was no longer able to talk through them so he got really frustrated. We came home and gave the boys ice cream for a little birthday party for their new baby. I took the opportunity to walk around the living room in peace while they ate. It felt best to lunge during contractions, so I leaned hard into the couch and hoped my water wouldn't break right then.

My mom offered to take the boys on a walk so I could have some peace and quiet. YES PLEASE!!! I didn't realize how important quiet was for my ability to relax and focus. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to have my kids present at a birth unless they're much older. They left for the park, and I got in the shower. At that point I started vocalizing through my contractions. It helped me so much, but kind of scared James I think. He kept checking on me and asking if we should call the midwife. I was sure that this labor was taking a long time, so I had him call but tell her not to hurry. She said she'd eat dinner and head over.

I got out of the shower and lingered in the bathroom, squatting through contractions while holding onto the sink. James jumped in doing what had helped so much the previous two births. He would slowly rub me between contractions, and put a firm hand on my shoulder during, reminding me to relax and open. Nothing has ever annoyed me more in my life!!! I kicked him out of the bathroom, telling him I'd call him if I needed him. (I don't normally yell at my husband, but my labor brain has other plans. With Joey, I yelled at him to stop telling me about the "stupid horses" that he was trying to get me to look at outside. With Dibby, I yelled at him to get away from me with his dragon breath after he ate some chips. It was par for the course by baby #3 and I hope he wasn't too offended.)

The midwife and James were texting and she was about to leave home and drive the 30 minutes to our house. I suddenly had a break between contractions and wanted to get up on the bed. NOW I know what that break was! I called James to put some chux pads on the bed and floor. He spread them out and I hopped up on the bed on my hands and knees. I was wearing a short cotton dress, and for some reason I flipped the skirt up off my bum. James's eyes got real big and he said, "It's not time for that yet, is it?" I thought better of it and said, "No, not yet" and put my dress down. Mind over matter...for a minute. I asked James to fill up the big tub, where I planned to deliver. He made it about halfway into the bathroom when my water broke and I had the sudden urge to push. I called him back in. "Never mind! Come back here and catch the baby!" At that moment my mom and the boys got home. James called my mom upstairs because I really wanted her to do counterpressure on my hips to avoid another broken tailbone (same tailbone, rebroken, just to be clear). She was trying to pass the boys off to Bapa, who was very very slowly changing his shirt and getting ready to take them. It was kind of funny for me to hear her panicking and trying to tell him to hurry up, the baby is coming NOW!

The midwife had given us a sheet with some basic birth info to follow if the baby were to arrive before she did. My mom asked James if he had read it and he said he had skimmed it. Oh well, no time for leisure reading now. I had read it, so between pushes and pants I walked him through the process. I felt so calm throughout the whole birth, which was surprising because my two surprised attendants were totally not calm. I was able to pause and breathe as he crowned, tell James to catch the head, wait for the next contraction, check for a cord, let the body turn, and ease the shoulders out one at a time. Two contractions and he was born!

The midwife arrived before I could even turn over to hold my baby. She heard him cry as she walked in, but couldn't find our stairs for a minute to come up. Actually, I think the whole neighborhood heard him cry. That baby had some seriously healthy lungs. The midwife made her way upstairs, helped me deliver the placenta and get cleaned up. Henry looked like an adorable little mayan with a flat nose and black hair. We were all shocked that he was a boy! The pregnancy was so different that we were convinced otherwise, but we wouldn't have it any other way. I got all tucked into bed after I passed the midwife's inspection (no tears!) and nursed my sweet baby. At that point felt like I already wanted to have another one! Such a good experience for me. James was a little shell shocked, but happy too.

Welcome earthside, Henry James! We sure love you!!!